10/23/04-I'll never do that...

“I’ll never do that with my children.” I’m sure there are many of us out there who have said that. We’ve watch a parent stick in a video for their child and say, “I won’t let my kids watch TV.” Or we say, “I’ll never use bribery with my children.” Then we stand with a screaming baby crying, “I’ll pay for four years to any college you want and law school if you just stop crying.” Well, your good friends in Kazakhstan have found themselves reversing on all angles. We’ve given cookies; we’ve bought more toys; we’ve slept with them in our beds to get them to sleep; and yes, we’ve even popped in a video. (The Lion King – it worked for five minutes.) Sometimes, we’re going to have to accept that a fussy child is a fussy child.

Day three was another typical day. We’re still trying to figure out what makes these kids tick. I’ve checked with the orphanage and apparently there was not owner’s manual that came with them. The biggest thing we’re realizing is that, now that they have regular attention, they are becoming very needy kids. Where in the orphanage they had to fend for themselves, now they have these people who are with them all the time. Jack has gone from GI Jack roaming around the room to Momma’s Jack crying to be held. Grace is a little more independent, but when she wants to be held, she wants to be held. The biggest thing we’re realizing (other than, again, this is pretty exhausting work) is that we have to figure out a good schedule that works for them so they eat when they need it, sleep when they need it and play when they have the energy. We haven’t done a very good job at this, but, as I said, we weren’t given the owner’s manual.

MJ and I are doing fine. We are finding that we spend a little time at the end of each day when the little dumplings are asleep debriefing on what happened during the day, why we are here and what we can do different. During the day, most of our conversations center around -- “I don’t know why he is crying.” Or “I don’t know what she wants.” We finish the day tired, but ready to tackle the next day. (If we can just get a little sleep at night, it would help.) It also helps to share a little with you, our adoring public. Thank you for listening.

10/22/04-The honeymoon is over...

OK, the honeymoon is over. All you parents out there can start laughing, winking and elbowing each other in the ribs. Man is this parenting thing tough. To all my friends whose wives were “stay at home” mothers who gave them a hard time for not playing with the kids when they got home – quit your moaning. These kids are exhausting.

Day Two followed much of the full spectrum of emotions that Day One did, but it was longer since we started the day with them. First to answer the question on everyone’s lips – how did they sleep? This went well. We put them to bed last night at 7:45 and they got up at 8:00. Did they sleep through the night? No. Did they cry or call out in the night? No. There were times in the night when we could hear talking or making sounds, but they usually went back to bed. (Oh, yeah, Mom and Dad didn’t sleep through the night, what with two new burdens sleeping in the next room.) We expected them to get up at 6, so it was a pleasant surprise to have them in bed still at 8. We probably could have left them in longer, but they were awake, so we got them up. The day started with some formula, play-time, getting dress, a quick nap and then breakfast. With some patience from Dad, Grace ate all her food again. Jack ate most of his. Grace takes patience in that you have to wait until she is ready to start eating. Jack takes a different kind of patience because he is all over the place when he eats, always wanting to grab the food, etc. But they both will eventually eat.

Mid-morning, we took our first trip out – Jack in the stroller, Grace in her snuggly attached to Dad. Half-way there, Jack fell asleep and slept most of the “trip.” Grace was fine as long as Dad kept moving. She loves to be held and have Dad walk around. (More on that later…) After we were done, we came back and it was time for lunch, which was followed by a nap. During the nap, we were introduced to our first big issue as parents – Jack had a case of power diarrhea. (Sorry, readers, I planned to avoid any discussions of bodily functions, but in the interest of journalistic accuracy, we needed to share all events.) Mary Jo, after an initial feeling of utter mortification, jumped to the task (with some help from Bill) and hosed the kid down. She redressed him and put him back to sleep.

After the nap, we had more play-time. As I mentioned yesterday, play-time is pretty boring, just trying to keep them occupied. We did introduce a new item in the afternoon though – the cookie. We had some baby cookies, from our good friends at Heinz, and they were a big hit. They both seemed to like the fact that they could feed themselves. We are especially seeing that in Grace, who is constantly grabbing at the bottle or the spoon we are using.

During dinner Jack had another instance of the previously mentioned bodily occurrence, this time all over Mary Jo’s pants. We are pretty sure it is the formula that is hitting Jack the wrong way. GMA Jan suggested we “cut” his formula in half with more water. We will try that tomorrow. You knew there had to be some physical adjustments for these kids. Grace does not seem to have any effects from the foods we’ve been feeding them. You may have seen from her pictures the past week that she had a horrible rash on her face. We have narrowed this down to “juice”, which kind we are not sure. She has been off it for two days and it looks like it is clearing up.

We settled into play-time after this, though we were noticed the kids were getting very fussy. Grace started to crash and fell back on demanding that Dad walk her around. Dad got a little tired and decided we were not going to do that all night, so he put her down. We were soon the recipients of our first full-scale Grace temper-tantrum. She laid face down and wailed. Dad held firm for a while, but gave in some. She eventually settled down. One of the couples in the hotel before gave us a walker to use. We debated whether to use it, but have fallen back on letting them sit in it. We don’t want to rely on it, but it does help occupy them when they are fussy. Grace spent some time in the walker and got a little more chipper.

We ended the day with another bottle. Mom took over with Miss Gracie, who was being fussy with Dad, and she finished her bottle. We put them down at 7:30 and they conked out pretty quickly. Right now, we’ve heard some stirring, but they are probably out for the night. Mom and Dad are pretty much close to being the same.

Sorry if this has gone long. I am not sure if we will get into every detail every day, but I know many of you are interested in how things are going, so I thought I’d give you some details. In future days, we will probably tone down a little. Also, there are no pictures tonight. You’ll definitely get some more, but it just is too time consuming to do it every day.

Good night from Kazakhstan.

10/21/04-Everyone prefers Jack and Grace to Will and Grace anyway...

Well, Will and Grace fans, a whole new season of Jack, Grace, Will (Bill) and Karen (Mary Jo) has begun. We are now in the apartment and the kids are with us. It is night time and the kids are asleep. We don’t know if they will sleep through the night or when they will get up. We’re trying to get them on a schedule, but we are still learning what makes these kids tick. (We’re hearing some whimpering coming out of the room, but we are standing strong.)

Last night, we stayed in the apartment for the first time. As I mentioned this morning, it is a nice little place, once you get past the entrance way. Our bedroom/living room has a ¾ bed and a couch that pulls out. We decided to make no attempt to share the bed, so Bill took the couch and MJ the bed. (MJ wants us to point out that Bill insisted on the couch. He agrees with this interpretation of the decision making process.) We both had decent nights sleep, which is pretty amazing when you consider the new sleeping structures and the fact that we knew in the morning that our lives would change forever. Again, there is no turning back…

In the morning, went to the orphanage and had our last visit in the big playroom. All the usual characters were there – Francis, Marguerite, Allie, and Bakhit (the kids) and Jane, Jerry, Steve, Lisa, Martha and Antigone (the adults). We had a nice uneventful play day and then took the kids back to their rooms one last time to be changed for the big trip. This was the first time they would be wearing the clothes we brought (and ones that match for that matter). Surprisingly, everything fit. We bundled them up and got in the van to head to our temporary home. MJ is very clear about this – this is not home. Home is Pittsburgh. But for some of us who will be here the next month, this will have to make due as home.

After we got here, we decided to get them started on their first meal. Apparently, in the baby food area, we picked the right things, because they ate it right up. Grace finished all of hers and Jack most of his. Then we tried them on their first bottle. This did not go well. Grace wouldn’t touch hers. We tested to see if it was the bottle, but she wouldn’t drink it out of a cup either. Jack drank half of his. This had us a little concerned because we are banking on the high octane formula we brought helping to get some weight on these kids. But with lunch done, we then tried them on their first nap. There was a little fussing and some crying (and moaning and sighing), but they got a two hour sleep in. We just hung out while they slept and talked about what revision we would make to the formula to make little Miss Gracie drink. We decided to add some sugar, since they use a lot of that in the orphanage. It isn’t our first choice, but we figure we can slowly wean her off the sugar as she gets used to the formula. After her nap, we tried a full bottle on her and she drank it right up. Jack finished the remainder of his.

The remainder of the day was spent playing and occupying ourselves – the kids and the adults. As many of you know, kids at this age (less than 1) are not the most exciting kids to play with. Not a lot of attention span and not much occupies them other than finding things to put in their mouths. We gave them pacifiers for the first time. We debated whether to start them on “binkies” since they haven’t used them yet and they are not recommended by everyone, but we thought it would get them used to sucking again and might help get their thumbs out. Also, we figured they could be another toy they put in their mouths. They explored them and played with them more than used them. Eventually, Grace figured out how they go in their mouth, but then she took them out. Occasionally, they would pick them up and try them out.

After play-time, Mom went and got dinner ready. They each ate a hardy dinner, but again wouldn’t drink their bottles. We’ve decided we will give them their bottles at times other than dinner, like first thing in the morning, after naps or before bed. I’m sure all you experienced parents can tell us many of these things, but we are just experimenting to see what works. Our goal, as I’ve shared before, is to get some meat on their bones. We would really like to get Grace to be allowed to face forward in her car seat before she enters Junior High.

After dinner, we played some more and then it was bath-time. Ah, another drama survived. Grace did not like her bath. We are not sure if that is left over from some orphanage experience or if she is just another 10-month old who hates baths. Through a lot of fussing and squirming, Dad was able to get her cleaned up and handed off to Mom to get dressed for bed. Jack did a little better. He didn’t love it, but he didn’t fight it either. They both got their pajamas on, which we bought at the Carter’s outlet 6 months ago and surprisingly, they fit both of them. We tried for an 8:00 pm bedtime, but we had to give in at 7:45 because Miss Gracie was just miserable. They cried a little, but eventually fell asleep. At this point, they are still asleep.

Dad and Mom are sitting on the couch wondering again what we were thinking. Man, are we beat. I have to say this day was everything all of you said it would be – moments of joy, moments of sorrow, moments of wonder and moments of frustration. And this was the first day! We know (or is it hope) it will get better. (Please keep in mind, we are operating on less of the modern conveniences many possess back home. We have to boil the water before we do dishes or bath the kids.) All in all, as I’ve said before, we had a good day.

Here are a few pictures of the kids and their new living arrangement.

10/20/04-And the changes keep coming...

Well, things just keep changing. Just as I put out an update saying I will not talk about the apartment until we are sitting in it, I am sitting in our apartment writing today’s entry. This afternoon, they called to let us know we could move tonight. Apparently, Lena was trying to call us this morning, but I must have been working on the computer. She tried the other couples, but they were also on the computer. Mornings are a big time for us to get our info update, especially with the Baseball play-offs going on. One of the other couples has a huge Yankee fan among.

The apartment is adequate. It definitely has more space. We have three rooms, one living area (which will also serve as our bedroom), one bedroom, which has the cribs and a full kitchen. I think the kitchen will be the biggest advantage to moving here. At least it is better than trying to feed these kids using a hot plate. Any worries about not having heat have been elevated. The room is currently “about a hundred degrees” by Mary Jo’s estimate and this with all the windows open. Apparently the concept of the thermostat has not hit Karaganda. The weather is nice out, so we are finding this a little warm.

Mary Jo is currently trying to figure out the bedding situation. Is this a duvet cover or a sheet? Whatever it is, it has just become a sheet. I’m guessing we are not going to need big blankets right now, but that will probably change. We stopped at the grocery on the way out today and stocked up on the essentials. It was quite interesting having two new parents trying to figure out what they will feed these kids, when everything is in Russian. I am not sure we know what we want to feed them in English. But with help from our translator, we picked a variety of foods and got plenty of diapers. We also stocked up on water.

We don’t have the kids yet. We will pick them up in the morning. We found out to late to be able to bring them over. Today was a nice day. It didn’t start out great as Jack was accosted by one of his playmates and had a big red mark on the side of his face. He wasn’t crying, but it was very obvious that he got hurt. Jack fell asleep in the playroom for about ½ hour and I followed Grace around the room most of the morning. In the afternoon, we had a baby gathering on the play mat with Jack, Grace, Allie and Francis all just hanging out with their parents. They didn’t kill each other and everyone seemed to have fun. Both of our kids seemed be in chipper moods this afternoon. Jack cried when Mary Jo took him back to his room. Grace just went back to her caregiver without any reaction. (We do get a good reaction out of her when we pick her up in the morning.)

We’ve settled in for the night and will probably be watching our nightly flick. In the morning, we take in a set of clothes and pick the kids up. I don’t know if we hang at the orphanage in the morning or come right back. In either case, when we get back, they stay with us. Our only other trip back to the orphanage will be after court when we go have parties with their caregivers. Court is still on schedule for next Tuesday.

10/20/04-Update on Murphy's Law...

This is a quick update to yesterday's message. Apparently, we not done enough penance in the hotel. We received word last night that we will not be moving into the apartment today. They said Thursday, but I've decided that I will not longer talk about it. I will let you all know where we are once we have actually moved. We were told to prepare ourselves for Murphy's Law, but we allowed our hopes to get up. Needless to say, we are quite disappointed. I find it hard to right about it without getting angrier, so I will just leave it at that.

We'll keep plugging through.

10/19/04-A visit along with some packing...

It’s packing night. Tonight is our last night in the hotel. Some time tomorrow, we will be moving over to an apartment. One of the other couples also mentioned that this will be our last night of uninterrupted sleep. Panic began to rise as the reality of that statement settled in. Tomorrow, we will be a full family with two little rug rats running our “home.” Not legally mind you, but for all intents and purposes, we will be a family. We’ve been trying to convince ourselves that we are ready for this, as have all our adoring fans of the Adoption Show, but tomorrow we will start to see if we are ready to do this. Guess there is no turning back now. (As if there ever was…)

Today, we were visited by the social worker. Her job is to speak for the children in court. I’m not sure what her role is outside of the adoption process. I don’t get the sense that she visits the children or checks on them. But, after she arrived (late) each couple had a few minutes where we sat with her and she asked us questions through our interpreter, Lena. She asked what we did for a living; whether we had any biological children; how long we’ve been married; whether we’ve had experience around children, and questions like that. It wasn’t too hard, though I found her facial expressions disturbing. She had a condescending look on her face that bordered on disgust. But, apparently we passed and can move on. None of us spoke to her for more than five minutes.

At lunch, we went to one of the Malls and bought these zippered blanket thingies to use when we take the kids out of the orphanage. They will also be good to have around the apartment over the next few weeks for lying on the floor or using in their cribs. (Yes, they will be providing cribs for us.) We spoke to Amika and Joe this morning and they said their apartment was nice – much roomer and a real shower (with hot water). They said the outside was to similar to all the apartments we’ve been to (Mary Jo cannot get the phrase “crack house” out of her head), but are nice inside.

Today, we did our usual routine and hung with the kids. For now, the kids have shifted their roles some. Grace wants to go around exploring and visit other people. (She does seem to want to have much to do with us. I guess we have become her silly old parents who just embarrass her.) Jack has been more of the homebody, hanging with Mom or Dad. The orphanage visits have gotten a little boring. It is much the same routine each day. It will also be nice to just spend all the time with them and let the day just go as it goes. (Of course, all the parents out there are probably saying we will soon cherish that time when we can just leave them and go off on our own.) Here is a picture of Jack sitting by Mom and Grace visiting Francis, one of Steve and Lisa's kids.



Odd schedules had Mom feeding Jack this afternoon and Dad with Grace. They both ate very well in the morning and afternoon. Today was Jack’s 10-month birthday, so they weighted him. He was 18.3 lbs, which means he has gained almost 3 lbs. in a month. We doubt Grace has gained that much. She is still very tiny, but I think she is getting stronger. She pulls herself up and stands with a little help. Jack is still unsteady when he tries to stand. I call him “noodle legs.” I’ll be interested to see them both when we take them to their doctor in Pittsburgh. Hopefully, we’ll be able to do a little dietary work on them both before that.

Well, back to our packing.

10/18/04-Let's have a party...

It was a party day today. When I went to pick-up Jack, they were having a party for a couple who went to court today to adopt their daughter, Anna. They were from another agency, so I didn’t catch their name, but they were having a party in the room with all the caregivers and some great food. So, Jack and I sat down and celebrated with them. (Serves Mary Jo right for letting me go in because she knew it was his feeding time.) After the party, I fed Jack and we went back out to the big room. Of course, I was just in time for little Miss Gracie’s feeding time. (Mary Jo hates the way they feed them here, so I have volunteered to do the in-orphanage feeding with the understanding that she will take a larger proportion when we get them out.)

Grace has not been eating well the last couple days. This morning she had rice and milk. Not rice cereal, but whole rice. She just refused to eat it, so I gave her juice and some bread and she drank the milk out of her bowl. In the afternoon, her snack was a milk and bread mixture and some bananas. She didn’t eat all of that, but she did drink the apple juice I brought for her. When we get them out, we are taking them back a little and putting them on bottles with formula. They both like to drink, so I think they will benefit from the high octane formula we brought. Jack could use some more meat on his bone also.

They said we can move into the apartment on Wednesday. Joe and Amika (another couple from our agency) moved today. They got all their stuff together and the plan was to pick our Damir (their son) when we all went in the afternoon and go to the apartment. There was a slight change in plans though, since the local social worker is visiting tomorrow. So Damir stayed in the orphanage tonight and they’ll take him out after they meet with the social work. (Shsh…don’t tell the social worker we are doing this. We’re really not supposed to do this until after court.) We also meet with her tomorrow, so I suspect Wednesday we will follow the original plan and pick up the kids in the afternoon and go to the apartment.

Everything is still on track, according to Tamara our facilitator. We should be going to court on Tuesday. Everyone who goes through it says the same thing. It is intimidating because everyone is talking in Russian, but it goes quickly and is painless. We should go in the morning, will probably have parties in the afternoon (I don’t know how we will do it, since Grace and Jack are from different rooms, but we’ll handle it) then in the late afternoon, Mary Jo will probably jump on a plane to Almaty to start her journey home. Then it will Dad GMA and the kids wandering the streets of Karaganda.

Sorry, no pictures came out today. We've been doing more playing than pictures. I promise you all that we will have many more pictures when we get to the apartment and can put them in the clothes we brought.

10/17/04-A lazy Sunday afternoon...

It’s Sunday, so we only went to the orphanage once today. We got to go a little longer. We went in early because they needed the vans to take four couples to the airport for their journey home. (In the words of Mary Jo, “Lucky dogs!”) Apparently, it was quite the trip as there were 4 couples, 8 children and a lot of luggage. I think it was overwhelming for the drivers and the people at the airport. It is a little quieter in the hotel now with no babies around.

We got word today that we are not moving into the apartment tomorrow. They said Tuesday or Wednesday. They didn’t give us the reason. We’ll ask tomorrow. It was a bummer to hear, but we’ll go when it is ready.

Because we were early, Jack was still asleep when we got there. So, Grace got a little more attention. In fact, four of the six kids were still asleep, so she got a lot of attention. She had just awakened herself, so she was still getting her bearings. I am pretty sure this girl is not a morning girl. I think Jack will be.

We did more playing today. They seem to be getting more engaged with us, at least for 10 month olds. Jack was playing with his teething ring with his Mom and started to imitate what she was doing. Grace was trying to stand more. She pulled herself up at one point and worked to stay standing. Not bad for a kid whose medical report from two weeks ago says “cannot sit-up on own.” She actually held my hand and took some steps. I can see her building her muscles more each day.

As I’ve mentioned before, I see more attachment happening with Jack. Where before he would crawl around looking for things, he now comes to the two of us for attention. You can see this in the both of them in the second video today as they each were crawling all over Dad.

After we left, we’ve had a lazy afternoon. I ran to the store to get some essentials and then came back to whip a killer batch of pasta and sauce. Let me quote my wife, “That was the best meal I’ve had since I got here.” Heinz pasta sauce – who would have thought a good old Pittsburgh company would come to our rescue in Kazakhstan. Then we sat down and watched the first disc in “Angels in America”, which we bought before left. I think I like it, but I’m holding my full judgment for after we finish the second disc.

Check out today’s pictures – Not as many as I’d hoped as some did not come out.
Video 1 – Grace crawling and Jack hanging next to Dad
Video 2 – The kids attack Dad

10/16/04-Go Irish!!!

Well, it’s early Sunday morning and I am basking in the warmth of another great Irish victory over the Midshipmen of Navy. Last night, I attempted to stay up and try to catch the game on the Internet, but the connection is just too slow. (I, being the geek of the family, most miss my cable Internet.) However, I was able to check out the results and see that, despite Navy coming in with the confidence of being a 5-0 juggernaut, they are still just a service academy and the big bad Domers basically pushed them around the place.

Yesterday was not too eventful. I took a day off from taking a lot of pictures. It is not really the picture taking that is hard as much as the loading them to the web that takes some time. We basically hung out with them during both sessions. They continue blossom more each day. In a couple days, we will see how we do with them full time. For those who need their fix, here is one picture, the kids and their papa.



Yesterday, we signed some more paperwork, completing another stage in the process. This was the translated declarations to the social worker and the courts. Another step is complete.

Last night, we had a little party for two couples that are leaving Sunday to make the long trip home. Their first stop will be going to Almaty, where they will spend a couple days taking care of the US Immigration process and then they are off to the States. Both couples stayed the full time in the hotel and each adopted two kids. Needless to say, they are excited to get out of here.

Sunday is another half-day from the orphanage standpoint. We go in the morning, but will not be back in the afternoon. I am not sure what we are going to do with ourselves. If it is as cold as yesterday, we will probably stay in the hotel.